Hats off to you MIL !

I sit comfortably on the wide wooden swing in the Living Room, sipping my cup of ginger team as I muse about the woman standing before me, just besides the dining table 3 meters away.

She is holding a 3 year old in her arms, another four year old is tugging the hem of her Kurti and all the while she is busy negotiating something with a 7 year old girl who is jumping up and down to stress her point. There is a lot of commotion around. The three kids are wailing and howling. She widens her eyes gives all three of them a tough look.
I can't blame her; anyone would go nuts around these kids when they are cranky.

However, the tough look she gives them is fake. The next moment she breaks into a smile. The most beautiful smile ever. The kids, who were taken aback for a moment by her tough look, now start laughing. She puts the down the child she had been holding and starts playing with the three kids who want her to chase them as they run around the entire house.

The lady before me is my Mother in Law and one of the finest persons I have had the opportunity to get to know closely.
She is the centre point of our family, the soul of the house.
Not only, the way she handles her grandchildren par excellence but she also knows how to deal with the "grown-ups".
If you have trouble living with you mother-in-law or your daughter in law. Imagine living with your mother-in-law as well as two daughters-in-law !
Trust me, it is not simple but my Mother in law does that with sheer grace and dignity.
People are different, so are there sensibilities and expectations. My Mother in law understands that and treats each of us as per our nature and how we wish to be treated. If I want a quite moment alone, she respects that. Never has she tried to pull me into a conversation I am not comfortable with. For the other family members who like being engaged in discussions, she provides ample opportunity for them and ensures that their opinions are counted. The way she "balances" tasks, people and priorities is impressive.

She is the single person who has taken up the responsibility of well being of rest of family members. Whether they have taken their meals and medicines on time or whether there is some ailment (physical or mental) bothering them. She is on top of it.
She pays utmost attention to little details. Many a times I have seen her get our household items, garments and footwear mended without anyone pointing out to her !
She does not take this responsibility as a burden but as if it’s the most natural thing to do.
She gets up at dawn and works throughout the day to ensure that home runs smoothly. She does all of this with cheerful happiness. Happiness which shows in her eyes as she smiles at the kids, her sons and daughters in law.
Never have I heard her complain about the work load , about being taken for granted or about making sacrifices for the family.
When I look at her, I find a mature person who is content because she has found a meaning in everything she does. All the while, I am still struggling to find a meaning in my life.


I have seen her do the correct things, take correct decisions in tough times. Unlike the other ladies, I have never seen her drawing comparisons or speak ill about her sisters or sisters in law or the other relatives. In fact, she in happy in their happy news and genuinely feels for them and reaches out to them if they are in trouble.
This is because is a good person at heart. Goodness which reflects in her actions and her personality.
Her conduct towards her own mother in law, my husband's granny, makes me respect her even more. With her, she is cordial, understanding and compassionate.


She is very learned but never stresses the fact. She has a college degree in science, and takes active interest in pharmacy, a feat not many women her age can boost. She is great cook and an efficient householder.
We all have a tendency to judge others by what we are good at. Say If I have a knack for dressing well, my mind would have a tendency to put down people who dress very casually. Say, If I am a good programmer I would tend to judge other colleagues consciously or subconsciously by their programming skills. No matter if a person is a good harmonium player or an exceptional painter or an orator, I would still judge him or her by the criteria I judge myself.
But my Mother in Law acknowledges the other person's strength and accepts their weaknesses.
I am clumsy and not a great cook but she constantly encourages me to do well by stating that we all learn lifelong. Many a times, I have heard her state that no one is perfect and that we should never lose heart if we have some shortcomings. We should simply work towards overcoming them by putting consistent efforts.

Over the years we have come to understand each other in a subtle way. Without being over-assertive she has made be realize the importance of family values and I know that she has come to respect my work and my inclination to write.
How can I say that?
On those weekends when I am up until late in the night to finish off a Production release (I am a Software Support Professional), the next morning, I find that my mother in law who does groceries on weekends has already made preparations for breakfast and lunch before she left. She does not show off but I know that she supports me.
Only recently, I was going a rough patch in my professional life. I had to make some tough decisions and discussed my dilemma with my Mother in law.
She listened to me and replied "Don't Worry, God is with us."
These few words she spoke instilled confidence in me and I knew that not only God but certain of God's best folks are with me :)


As I type this, I muse about the woman to woman relationship. Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge but once forged it is very very special. A woman can understand a woman like no man can. Unlike man, we live and thrive on emotions. We think alike and have similar struggles one way or the other. We go through similar mental and physical changes and challenges. If a woman supports another woman their combined power and potential grows many fold. They say, that there is a woman behind every successful man. I would say, there is a woman behind every successful woman as well.
I am not kidding. Even a study at Stanford had concluded that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to get married to a woman whereas, for a woman , one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationship with her girlfriends. Being with a woman is good for your emotional well being. Women share feelings whereas man form relationships around activities.

But like said earlier, Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge despite its benefits. Why so?
Because women are very emotional beings. They work on instincts, get attached easily and are fiercely possessive. From their intense nature often emerge feelings of insecurity and irrational jealously. That is why women often opt for nuclear family. To share their home and family, with other women is not that easy.
That said, if women could rise above their inherit insecurities and little ego bruises (like my Mother in Law does), women at home can make a great team. It’s good to be independent but it’s simply superb to be interdependent. That way they could make a team and run home effectively. Being interdependent means you maximize all your strengths and minimize any shortcomings. It’s all about synergism. Combining energies.
Say one of your sister in laws is a good cook, another gets good bargain at groceries, your MIL is good at managing house and you have a knack for guiding kids. How about you combine these skills to run your house perfectly? There would be a distribution of work as per each individual’s best skills. Each individual would be doing what they love with respect and dignity. They should be given independence to carry out the tasks and make decisions but should be open to receive and give suggestions for the extended household. You would be one happy and content team.

I guess I have shared enough gyan for a single blog post.
But when I come to think of it, 5 fives year back I would have never thought I would be singing laurels about my mother in law or would be writing a dissertation on woman relationships.
I am being realistic here, I am not saying I love my mother in law more than my mother for the latter is part of my identity and my soul.
But with the same truthfulness, I state that I respect my Mother in law more.
She inspires me to be a balanced person and instils faith in me to get going in tough times.

Hats off to you Mummyji !
Hope every girl gets a mother in law like you.