Hats off to you MIL !

I sit comfortably on the wide wooden swing in the Living Room, sipping my cup of ginger team as I muse about the woman standing before me, just besides the dining table 3 meters away.

She is holding a 3 year old in her arms, another four year old is tugging the hem of her Kurti and all the while she is busy negotiating something with a 7 year old girl who is jumping up and down to stress her point. There is a lot of commotion around. The three kids are wailing and howling. She widens her eyes gives all three of them a tough look.
I can't blame her; anyone would go nuts around these kids when they are cranky.

However, the tough look she gives them is fake. The next moment she breaks into a smile. The most beautiful smile ever. The kids, who were taken aback for a moment by her tough look, now start laughing. She puts the down the child she had been holding and starts playing with the three kids who want her to chase them as they run around the entire house.

The lady before me is my Mother in Law and one of the finest persons I have had the opportunity to get to know closely.
She is the centre point of our family, the soul of the house.
Not only, the way she handles her grandchildren par excellence but she also knows how to deal with the "grown-ups".
If you have trouble living with you mother-in-law or your daughter in law. Imagine living with your mother-in-law as well as two daughters-in-law !
Trust me, it is not simple but my Mother in law does that with sheer grace and dignity.
People are different, so are there sensibilities and expectations. My Mother in law understands that and treats each of us as per our nature and how we wish to be treated. If I want a quite moment alone, she respects that. Never has she tried to pull me into a conversation I am not comfortable with. For the other family members who like being engaged in discussions, she provides ample opportunity for them and ensures that their opinions are counted. The way she "balances" tasks, people and priorities is impressive.

She is the single person who has taken up the responsibility of well being of rest of family members. Whether they have taken their meals and medicines on time or whether there is some ailment (physical or mental) bothering them. She is on top of it.
She pays utmost attention to little details. Many a times I have seen her get our household items, garments and footwear mended without anyone pointing out to her !
She does not take this responsibility as a burden but as if it’s the most natural thing to do.
She gets up at dawn and works throughout the day to ensure that home runs smoothly. She does all of this with cheerful happiness. Happiness which shows in her eyes as she smiles at the kids, her sons and daughters in law.
Never have I heard her complain about the work load , about being taken for granted or about making sacrifices for the family.
When I look at her, I find a mature person who is content because she has found a meaning in everything she does. All the while, I am still struggling to find a meaning in my life.


I have seen her do the correct things, take correct decisions in tough times. Unlike the other ladies, I have never seen her drawing comparisons or speak ill about her sisters or sisters in law or the other relatives. In fact, she in happy in their happy news and genuinely feels for them and reaches out to them if they are in trouble.
This is because is a good person at heart. Goodness which reflects in her actions and her personality.
Her conduct towards her own mother in law, my husband's granny, makes me respect her even more. With her, she is cordial, understanding and compassionate.


She is very learned but never stresses the fact. She has a college degree in science, and takes active interest in pharmacy, a feat not many women her age can boost. She is great cook and an efficient householder.
We all have a tendency to judge others by what we are good at. Say If I have a knack for dressing well, my mind would have a tendency to put down people who dress very casually. Say, If I am a good programmer I would tend to judge other colleagues consciously or subconsciously by their programming skills. No matter if a person is a good harmonium player or an exceptional painter or an orator, I would still judge him or her by the criteria I judge myself.
But my Mother in Law acknowledges the other person's strength and accepts their weaknesses.
I am clumsy and not a great cook but she constantly encourages me to do well by stating that we all learn lifelong. Many a times, I have heard her state that no one is perfect and that we should never lose heart if we have some shortcomings. We should simply work towards overcoming them by putting consistent efforts.

Over the years we have come to understand each other in a subtle way. Without being over-assertive she has made be realize the importance of family values and I know that she has come to respect my work and my inclination to write.
How can I say that?
On those weekends when I am up until late in the night to finish off a Production release (I am a Software Support Professional), the next morning, I find that my mother in law who does groceries on weekends has already made preparations for breakfast and lunch before she left. She does not show off but I know that she supports me.
Only recently, I was going a rough patch in my professional life. I had to make some tough decisions and discussed my dilemma with my Mother in law.
She listened to me and replied "Don't Worry, God is with us."
These few words she spoke instilled confidence in me and I knew that not only God but certain of God's best folks are with me :)


As I type this, I muse about the woman to woman relationship. Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge but once forged it is very very special. A woman can understand a woman like no man can. Unlike man, we live and thrive on emotions. We think alike and have similar struggles one way or the other. We go through similar mental and physical changes and challenges. If a woman supports another woman their combined power and potential grows many fold. They say, that there is a woman behind every successful man. I would say, there is a woman behind every successful woman as well.
I am not kidding. Even a study at Stanford had concluded that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to get married to a woman whereas, for a woman , one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationship with her girlfriends. Being with a woman is good for your emotional well being. Women share feelings whereas man form relationships around activities.

But like said earlier, Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge despite its benefits. Why so?
Because women are very emotional beings. They work on instincts, get attached easily and are fiercely possessive. From their intense nature often emerge feelings of insecurity and irrational jealously. That is why women often opt for nuclear family. To share their home and family, with other women is not that easy.
That said, if women could rise above their inherit insecurities and little ego bruises (like my Mother in Law does), women at home can make a great team. It’s good to be independent but it’s simply superb to be interdependent. That way they could make a team and run home effectively. Being interdependent means you maximize all your strengths and minimize any shortcomings. It’s all about synergism. Combining energies.
Say one of your sister in laws is a good cook, another gets good bargain at groceries, your MIL is good at managing house and you have a knack for guiding kids. How about you combine these skills to run your house perfectly? There would be a distribution of work as per each individual’s best skills. Each individual would be doing what they love with respect and dignity. They should be given independence to carry out the tasks and make decisions but should be open to receive and give suggestions for the extended household. You would be one happy and content team.

I guess I have shared enough gyan for a single blog post.
But when I come to think of it, 5 fives year back I would have never thought I would be singing laurels about my mother in law or would be writing a dissertation on woman relationships.
I am being realistic here, I am not saying I love my mother in law more than my mother for the latter is part of my identity and my soul.
But with the same truthfulness, I state that I respect my Mother in law more.
She inspires me to be a balanced person and instils faith in me to get going in tough times.

Hats off to you Mummyji !
Hope every girl gets a mother in law like you.

Why Housework is good for working Moms !

Working Moms usually take up or are assigned the desk jobs .These jobs are mentally grueling and leave us exhausted by the end of the day. Back at home we get a feeling of lying on the couch or sleeping in order to relieve the mental tension. 

But that does us no good. Agreed, that you had worked hard at office but you did not do any physical work. While your mind needs a break your body does not. By sleeping or lying on the couch and watching TV you are only accumulating more fat and are killing your precious time. There are other productive ways of relaxing your mind and diverting it from office woes. Housework is one of them. Since housework does not actually involve resolving complex riddles and is mostly mechanical, it gives your mind rest and keeps your body in action. 

Washing utensils, dusting, cleaning, stacking clothes and similar activities would keep your mind off office politics for a while, keep you busy, make your home tidy and also help burn a few calories. Cooking is another great activity which can relax you because it is actually a very creative activity. You are actually creating a dish and it would give you a great sense of fulfillment. 

If you are not into housework (it does not relax you) and you can afford to keep staff to do it for you, then don't be hard on yourself. Take it it easy. There is no compulsion. In that case you may pick up another engaging hobby (preferably involving some physical activity) like gardening, dancing, adopting and taking care of your pet, going on walks etc. 

However, I believe that housework is still a good way out since it make you own the proceedings at home, saves some amount you would have kept aside for a maid, and gratifies your family. This is my personal opinion and is based on personal experience.

However, your situation may be different. You may be an architect or construction engineer doing strenuous site visits and inspections, or if you are a sculptor, curator, dancer or an event manager . In short, if in your are in a job which involves physical activity, it makes more sense to get back home, take a nap, read, write or paint so that your body and mind get the much deserved rest. 

But, if you have a desk job, you have no excuse for going back home and lying on the couch. Instead, activate yourself with some meaningful physical work. Physical activities and exercises release oxytocin, the feel-good hormone and would help you feel better. Whereas sitting idle would only clog your mind with unnecessary worries. 

And I am not talking about the working moms, even the fathers should do their bit of housework and ease their mind. Whether your wife is a homemaker or professional, the love, respect and appreciation you would receive for helping out in housework would make your day. You would set a good example for your son, be your daughter's hero and your wife's darling :) 

So my dear ladies and gentlemen buckle your seat-belt and indulge in housework post office and reap the benefits.

PS: Stay at home moms, don't limit yourself to housework. Develop a hobby and gives wings to your passion. Perhaps we will cover that in the next article.

You are what you eat !!

The below are excerpts from my Speech for Toastmaster's Advanced Communication Track.
I had used certain rhetorical devices during the speech like voice modulation, alliteration and rhymes. And I daresay the speech was a success.


A few days back, I was composing my speech for toastmaster's advance communication track  and  I decided to read it  out aloud.
If you want to be a monkey, eat bananas, insects and kiwi,
If you want to be a giraffe, eat shrubs, leaves and barks
If you want to be a buffalo, eat the movie posters
If you want to be a lion eat the monkey, giraffe, and buffalo.
My niece Anika looked at me singing a strange jingle and … asked… Chachi… If you want to be a human what should you eat? For a change, I wasn’t puzzled on getting this googly from my 7 year old niece. I said “Anika! Humans eat deep fried aloo tikka, pizzas and double cheese burgers”.

Good evening toastmasters and guests… If you eat a chicken, you’ll be a chicken,  if you eat a fried potato, you are sure to put on more weight, If you eat spinach, you will be spinachy , I mean strong. Dont get me wrong ;)
You are what you eat!!!

Some people are overweight due to heredity reasons and some have animal instincts by birth. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the rest of us, who chose to be overweight and who chose not to have control on what they eat.
I am talking about the seafood diet people.
No not people who diet on crabs, fishes and octopus. But the see-food people . The people who "see food" and eat it.

When God originally created man, man was lean and fit. God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach; with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so man would live long and healthy. But, look at what man did using God's gifts;

God gave man healthy vegetables, nuts and olive oil to cook them. Man created deep-fried veggies, butter-dipped popcorn.
God gave potato, brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Man peeled off the healthy potato skin … sliced the starchy center … added lots of salt and deep-fried them in animal fats to create French fries. Man became like a potato – fat and obese.

Think about how our life style and eating habits have changed in the last several decade. Dal- roti … GONE … Burgers ON. Dosas GONE… Pizzas ON. Fruit juices GONE… SODA… ON.
It takes 3 times more land, energy and water to feed a non-vegetarian when compared to feeding a vegetarian. Nearly 30% of Indians are without proper food and nutrition. It makes more sense to go vegetarian.

At the end, a healthy body creates a sound mind. Look at Avinash, the very enthusiastic toastmaster,   who just looks like a college grad even at this age because of his healthy vegetarian diet.
I know there is binge eating. People find comfort in food. You get stressed , you eat desserts. Each time you weigh yourselves you get shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull (your weight !) has become since last time. You get more stressed and you eat more desserts and the vicious circle goes on.
Hold on desserts is stressed spelled backwards. Is it a coincidence. I think not.

There is an old proverb which says To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.
Eat less sugar. You're sweet enough already. :)

There are funny remarks people make when we talk about eating healthy.
"I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short." They would say.
"What ? You ask me to get in shape. I'm in shape darling . Round is a shape — isn't it?

My dear nutritional overachievers, such excuse are not going to help you. Maturity would.
I know he toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat !!
However, Please note that Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.

There's also strong evidence that, the closer to nature you eat, the fewer calories it will take for you to feel satisfied. The reason? Processed foods often have low amounts of fiber and water; a high ratio of calories to nutrients; and a mix of tastes from added sugar, salt, and flavoring that overly stimulates the appetite center in the hypothalamus. Clean foods are the opposite: lots of fiber and fluid, a high ratio of nutrients to calories, and free of added flavors — all of which send signals of satiety to your brain before you consume too many calories.
 Just think of how many raw almonds you eat before stopping when compared to honey roasted almonds? You would end up eating the latter more.
By eating clean, you can control your weight permanently without feeling deprived or hungry or having constant cravings.
Everything you eat becomes a part of not only your inner being, but the outer fabric of your body. The healthier the foods are that you eat, the better your skin will look and the better you would feel.

I was doing my regular walk one day. I saw an old man rocking in his chair on the portico of his house. I couldn’t resist looking at the old man… he was short… but fat… his skin had wrinkles, hair was grey. The old man was happily reading a newspaper with his thick glasses.

I went to the old man and said "Sir! I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never eat vegetables. Oh… I never exercise."

"Wow! You managed to live this long. So, how old are you?" I asked.
The man got off his chair … folded the newspaper and said... "I’m just twenty-six; I look very old because of what I eat".

I know you don’t want to be like that young man who looked like very old because of his unhealthy diet. I request all of you to eat a healthy vegetarian diet… because YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

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Readers, Please note that although the speech reflects my personal opinions, I have referred to Saro's Corner for Humorous speeches in order to derive content.

Hard Life vs Easy Life !

It was only yesterday that I was talking to one of my colleagues at office. An intern waved her goodbye. She smiled at her and then looked at me and remarked: "This young girl is so lucky. She can get home and hit bed straight away. I heard her say that she gets at least 12 hours of sleep each day ! I wish I was that lucky !"
I looked my colleague cum friend . She is assistant vice president at RBS, is married with two wonderful kids . She is also pursuing part time MBA from a renowned Delhi college and... She looks like a million dollars .
I said : "Maam, you are very lucky. I hope you know that !"
She paused and said: "Yeah. That's true." , flashing a very warm and genuine smile.

Its true that my friend is an accomplished woman. But it is also true that her life cannot be compared to the young intern she was talking about. Her day starts at 4:30 am. She gets up does yoga, Raises her children and hubby from sleep. Prepares breakfast, and packs lunch  and reports to office sharp at 8. Post work, she picks up her kids from daycare and spends quality time with them and her husband. She studies for her course after putting the kids to bed.
She has does a lot of hard work which generates success and good luck .
Hold on ! I did I say "generate luck" ?
Can luck be generated ?
Yes. Luck is definitely a factor is you success. But remember that your luck is directly proportional to the hard work you put in.  You might refute my claim. Say, you were preparing religiously for IIT entrance exam, however, you did not make it to the exam venue in time due to traffic jam/heavy rains. Whatever happened to your luck then, you may ask.
And I say that under those circumstances you may not make it to IIT but trust me your luck (via your hard work) would ensure that you make it to NIT.

A person who gains is lucky. But there is no gain without pain
My father often used to remark that in order to progress you ought to have a story.
"What story?" I would ask.
"A story of hardships, my dear girl." He would say.

Laxmi Bai had a story.
Would you have remembered her if she were a delicate darling. No. She was a hard worker. She made her life deliberately harder. She could passed her days in palatial home , living off her family jewels. She could have taken an easy way. But she choose to fight.
The business tycoons , successful politicians and all  the successful and "lucky" people have a story attached to them. A story of hardships which made them stronger. Made them luckier.

Back home , I really admire my father in law for what he is. At 63,  he continues going to office. He gets back home, does groceries and take interest in day to day household activities. His enthusiasm and jest puts us, the younger lot, to shame. And what does he gain from this hard work? Respect, success, fitness and luck.
My Mother in law is another fine person, who choose to take care of her grandchildren instead of passing days in relaxed bliss.

We women are by nature and circumstances the luckier of the lot. Whether you are working or not you have a lot on your plate to make you lucky. However, never let anyone judge you for your choices. If you choose be working , you choose a tough life. Juggling home and office would increasing your efficiency and broaden your horizon. If you are homemaker , you are lucky. You choose a tough life too. Without considering what other people might say, you forego your dreams for higher ambitions.
Yes, giving up your career means you are ambitions. You are an ambitious mother and wife who is completely devoted to the well being of her family.

Household activities are long considered to be a woman's arena . But now , intelligent and lucky men realize the importance of household happiness in their larger happiness and efficiency at work. They deliberately make their life hard by going an extra mile for there wife and children. They share household duties. And pry what do they get?
Happiness and success.
People look at them and remark :"His wife is so loving. His children are so well behaved. He is so lucky !!"

Dear friends, if you find yourselves envying the other people for their luck, stop and do a reality check. Introspect. Perhaps you have easygoing ways. Deliberately make your life tough. If you are unmarried and have time in your hand, then make good use of that time. Enroll for a new learning. Help your parents. Set high goals for yourselves. Serve people around you. Serve but don't expect anything in return not even appreciation. Service done to other in lieu of something is almost vulgar. Better not do anything for anyone if you are expecting return, because it strips service of its beauty and makes it a business transaction. Also, it would generate a lot of unhappiness and hurt, because your expectations would never be met.
Serve others around out your free will and for your own happiness and see where it take you. (How lucky it makes you !)


So folks, if you are facing tough situation, or have a tough boss, or you have to deal with tough people, thank your stars. This is the way you shall progress.
Living with people who are critical and say harsh statements also makes you lucky. These people keep you grounded. Such people are not necessary bad. They say rude things either out of habit or out of their own unhappiness. For no happy person can say mean things about another person. Nevertheless, these people sacrifice their image and help you improve.
How come ?
Didn't they say bitter medicines are often the most effective.
Well, so are bitter words.
They shake you out of your complacency and push you to work hard in order to overcome your flaws.

So my dear friends, If you still believe that your daily routine should include going to office or college without enthusiasm, coming back home, lying on the couch and watching TV, I have no hard feelings for you. Only pity.
You are losing out on a lot of success, happiness and LUCK !!

Feedback I received about the above speech at RBS Toastmaster Club.