Dont Get Mad, Get Funny !

Excerpts from my 10th and final speech at Toastmaster’s  (Ah yes , I am a certified Competent Communicator now !)

 

“Don’t Mad, Get Funny !”
But Why ?

Because, the latter is definitely better than the former. People like Funny people; they are fun to be around. It’s easier to trust jolly people, since we are less threatened by them. Laughter makes life easier; and believe it or not it helps you communicate more effectively.
While on the other hand, Getting mad hurts. It hurts you and the others and no good ever comes out of it. You only become your own worst enemy.

So, The Big question is: Why do we get Mad ?

Because, We are overstressed.

And pray what is stress?

Stress is the by product of a stressor. Let me reiterate: It’s a “by-product”.

There is a difference between stressors which are the daily occurrences which have potential to drive us crazy, make us frustrated, angry and hurt and Stress.  It all depends on us how we choose respond to stressors. Stress may or may not be the outcome of a stressor.
You see, when faced with unpleasant situation, your body undergoes a complicated series of events. Adrenal glands get activated and produce adrenaline & noradrenalin, which is a powerful combination. This leads to increase in metabolism, dilation of blood vessels, increase in heart rate. Also, Extra glucose is sent to serve as quick source of energy so that your body can combat the enemy, your stressor.

All this helps if the stressor is a 2 ton baggage falling overhead, in that case your body would help you make quick decision and engage your physical resources to make the quickest possible exit. But what if your stressor is a simply a rush hour traffic. Then you are all hyped up, with you hormones gushing but no place to go. AND Then, comes the Anger. (Anger is not one letter away from Danger!)

The problem comes when you respond to every little annoyance with full blown stress response. This leaves you drained and you have no energy left to face the bigger and more meaningful challenges. The key is to make a distinction between “little stress” and “big stress”.  Each time you face a stressor ask yourselves the below questions:

1. Am I in physical danger?
2. Is anyone I care about in danger?
3. Is there anything I can do right now to change the situation?
4. Will the situation have a long term impact on my life?
5. Will getting mad help?

The answer to last one would always be a NO. Though, on a more serious note, If the answer to most of the above questions is no, the stress is moderate, and needs to be humored and not taken seriously. There is a difference between a physical threat (serious) and threat to your ego (superfluous).

However, to make fun of your misery you need to develop some techniques or use the techniques I profess below:

Distracting:

If there is nothing you can do about something, thinking unnecessarily wont help. Try distracting yourself deliberately in some funny way.
Say, chant a mantra to yourself. I sing “Life Haphazard, Life Haphazard hai yaar…” when I find myself in middle of a disorganized, disarrayed mess (Total chaos) at office. When things don’t go my way (due to providence), I chant “Man proposes, God disposes..”. It helps me cool down a bit. Choose your own mantra; I am sure you would do better than me. If nothing works, take a deep breath and say “Ommmmmmmm…”.
There are other ways of distracting yourself. Try visualizing your boss or a bothersome relative/colleague moving to another country. It would instantly make you feel better.
Now say you are stuck in traffic jam. Try writing a funny poem then instead of getting all hyped up. You could also look out and try to formulate the life story of the person in car beside you. Or you could simply practice ways to ask boss for a raise 
Be imaginative. There can be umpteen numbers of innovative ways to get distracted in a funny way.

 

Exaggerating:

Exaggerating can be a lot of fun. People do it all the time. Only they do it for other’s miseries. I don’t find that funny though. How about exaggerating your own follies?
I believe, it’s not always necessary to have snappy retorts to the stupid things that people say. Then let them be right even when they are wrong. Most people defend themselves when insulted. "I am not stupid." They would say. This however is an uncreative approach which creates stress and makes you seem even more stupid than you really are. Try agreeing with them and exaggerating what they say. This technique illuminates their stupidity, creates humor, and defuses situations.
Say, someone tells me: "You are a complete idiot."
And what if I say: "So I am. AND you are so smart; you figured that out so soon. It usually takes people years to find out just what an idiot I am."
Note that it takes a smart person to joke about how stupid they are.

 

Detaching:

We find happenings (often mis-happenings) in other’s life quite funny. But it’s not funny when crazy things happen to us. Why?
Because we are very attached to our persona and we are biased to ourselves. Try developing a perspective by removing YOU from your problems. Be a distant observer to the proceedings and try not to take things personally.
I will cite you an incident. I was once roaming about with my roomie at Lake drive, Maimi (where I was working on deputation). I was lost in thoughts and fell headlong due to some stumbling block on road. As I tried to get up I saw my rommie and a few others on road laughing heartily. I am sure it must have been a funny scene. But it was not funny to me. I had dirt over my hands and dress and my knees hurt. It was embarrassing. I am sure such things happen to everybody. You see, had I not taken the fall personally and had not be so self conscious, I have found the situation funny as well.
The trick is to poke fun at yourself, in any case everyone else does. The idea is to beat them in that. Take your job (not the only the office job but whatever you are engaged in) seriously, but not yourself.

Some of the funniest stories we tell about ourselves to others are the ones which really beat the crap out us. However, with time, we are able to gain a less biased and less begrudged perspective and see the funny side. All we need to do is to shorten the time duration for between the “incident” and when “it” becomes the “funny story”.

 

Developing the Humor quotient:

Like other aspects of your personality, developing humor quotient needs effort. Work on being funny. Try incorporating fun in life; surround yourself with funny books, quotes, and friends. Use funny aliases for yourselves and others. (My husband calls me “P Charu” when I am troubled (P for Pareshan !) and call me Taaru when I am in foul mood. All that helps bring levity and brightens up my mood).

You could also try working on writing down stressor list and things that make you happy. For example your most probable stressors could be a scratch on your car or a rejected reimbursement claim. Work on your stressors and see how you could ease them. Also make a happiness list. Things that lift up your mood like watching movies, singing inane songs (like I do), spending time with kids or simply watching your beloved spouse carry about daily chores with alacrity.

 

Your happiness list is about your stress busters.  Mix and match your stressors and stress busters and strike chord.

You should make a mental note of your stressors and acknowledge them, only then you would be able to work out ways to get round them.

 

When bad things happen, never use the three words: "It's not fair."

The belief that only good things should happen to good people is an unrealistic expectation that creates a lot of disappointment and aggravation. Lets change our attitude and take the more practical, less disappointing point of view that— "Life is a joke."  It is so indeed. Don't believe me? Look around. Look who got the last promotion . Look at the people running this country.
Life is indeed not fair — it's just a comedy of errors. 

So, whenever there is a stressor, take a moment to make a humor choice .
 

Please note that although I made the above speech, I am not a very  funny person. I only have fun and get funny when I am with children or with other silly and impractical  people like me (Though I am working on enhancing my scope.)  I am a “funny” misfit among the more worldly folks.
I find inspiration in my husband who although may not come across a funny person, carries all sort of childlike antics when I am angry or in a foul mood. Although I have never told him, (but he will eventually get to know via this blog), that I love it when he puts on those innocent looks and feigns ignorance when carry out my tirade against him. He exaggerates the issues I put forth , mocks me and simply refuses to take me seriously until I have cooled down (which I do eventually, AND he does take me seriously when I am calmer.)

Also, I acknowledge that had been heavily influenced by Leigh Anne Jasheway while composing the speech.