Being Normal

The below is the article which fetched me 2nd prize in the 2017 edition of NUHA Global blogging contest.

The Jury Verdict is here

--------------------------

What do we mean by being normal?

Does it mean being acceptable in society?

Perhaps.

And who by the way, composes the society?

The Normal people.

Who decides what’s acceptable?

The Normal people.

Heard about normalization? The simple term ‘normalization’ refers to adjustments made with intention of bringing entire probability distributions to a common scale.

A common scale where we can weigh (or shall I say judge) everyone and decide if they indeed are like everybody else or else they are not normal.

The dark want to look fairer. The fair want to look suntanned. A lot of effort is put in to trying to be what we are not.

Introverts expend a great of energy to initiate small talk. For if they don’t, they would be taken to be snobbish or rude. Can one imagine what kind of energy they have to exert to make a small talk? Rehearse and rehearse in their mind what they have to say, only to find that the moment they gather guts to say something, the general topic of discussion has moved on. They sweat all their energy only to appear “normal” or acceptable.

Doing something that does not come naturally to you only to please others generates a lot of negativity. Once negativity seeps in, we have little energy left to devote to things we truly want to do. Like say, the introverts would want to write, paint or read in a secluded corner. Where they can be themselves. Where they can be accepted for what they are. Where no one is going to judge them.

Similarly, the extroverts who genuinely like being with people, who take genuine interest in others’ lives and who derive energy from crowds are told to subdue themselves. They have keep control over their harmless urge to talk to people, for the fear of being assumed insincere or for the fear of appearing shallow.

Why can’t we accept people as they are?

Why do we have to draw a median and try to normalize people? Why do we try to set them in a mold?

Are we afraid of something?

Yes. We are afraid of people who cannot be set in the mold. We like to label people. We feel comfortable that way and in control of things. Once we have labelled a person we know how to deal with him or her. However, an unconventional person is a threat. How do we deal with him or her? We are unaware of what their powers might bring. We are afraid of the unknown. We are afraid of change.

We try to be normal. We try to be like everyone else, blend and camouflage and hide in the crowd. We don’t want to stand out. Why? Are we cowards? Perhaps yes.

Why don’t we wear our identity and our individuality on our sleeves? It takes courage. Acknowledge that. It’s okay to be a coward. But at least respect other’s courage. Why push them, demean them, scare them into giving up their courage? Let them celebrate their individuality, their courage, their ab-normality. Let’s get inspired from them. Make the world a more flavored, more varied and spicier place to live in.

Tell me, why does a man always have to breadwinner? Why is his worth always measured in terms of what he has earned? Why are less ambitious men frowned upon? What’s wrong if a man wants an idyllic life? What’s wrong if he chooses to rear his children? Why do attach a stigma and push him to prove his mettle? Why is a woman who is ambitious frowned upon? Why can’t she make her own choices? Why does she have to cook to appear normal? Why would we set boundaries on how a man or woman should behave?

Boundaries are to be set if you are causing harm. If not, push the boundaries. The only harm you are causing by adhering to the boundaries is to evolution and development of the society. There would never be a Frank Lloyd Wright in architecture, there would never be something called Modern Art, there would never have been a Kiran Bedi (the first female police officer in India), had certain individuals and groups not decided to break the boundaries of what’s normal.

The only abnormality which should not be acceptable by the society are the activities and philosophies which bring harm to ourselves or the others. That should not be “acceptable” or “normal”.

Let’s do ourselves a favor and be accepting. Let people do what they believe in. Accept them for they are and society would progress tremendously. We are all brilliant at something. We really are. Either we have not found out about it yet or have found it but have taken effort to suppress that brilliance in the quest to appear normal. But a set of brilliant but repressed individuals would lead to nothing but downfall. Paulo Coelho was committed to mental asylum by well-meaning parents because they thought writing was not an acceptable profession. Many youngsters in countries such as India are forced to take up engineering and sciences and give up arts because the former are considered more lucrative by their parents. Being an artist seems like a wild goose chase. These countries have lost many potential artists and given way to mediocre engineers who may not enjoy what they are doing but are doing it because that’s what everyone else is doing.

It’s okay to have opinions. But acknowledge your verdict is not final. Feel free to reject something you don’t like, but accept that it is perfectly okay for someone else to embrace it. Don’t adhere to the herd mentality and pick only what’s in and happening. But pick what you truly believe in. Give that freedom to yourselves and the others. Set your life free. The world would be a better place to live in.

The fire within !

Excerpts from my recent speech which fetched me prizes at Club and Area level Toastmasters  contests and a chance to represent  my area at Division Conference.

----------

It takes fire to light a candle, A lighted candle to light the other candles, and a blow to extinguish them all.
The fire I am talking about is the fire within.
The fire,  which unsettles, which shakes us out of our inertia and makes us feel alive.
The fire,  which has to be discovered and rediscovered time and again.

There is a spark within all of us, waiting to be ignited.
The question is:  What ignites that?

Let me share what ignited my spark.
As a child I was shy and introvert.
The very thought of going over stage gave me jitters.
So one fine day, when I was asked to recite a poem on stage, I knew what it was going to be like.
I went on stage and …….blanked out. The faces in the audience looked at me expectantly. An expectation, I knew I couldn’t fulfil.
I got down from the stage dejected,  for I had to face….my parents.
Now my parents were just like….. "parents". They always had high expectations.
Have you ever seen an absent minded professor looking for his glasses while he is actually wearing them.
Thats my father.
Have you ever seen a lady "breaking" an item of gossip to the friend who originally told it to her originally.
Thats my mother.

So, you can imagine what I am.
I am the girl who put this (wrapper)  into her mouth and throws this (chocolate) away .

Fortunately or Unfortunately, when it came to me, my parents never forgot a thing !

The first thing my father asked me as I got back home was: "How did it go?"

"It was bad. I am no good."

“Oh Don’t you worry. You are destined for greatness. Acknowledge your fire to succeed.”

Destined for greatness. Fire . The words made no sense.

My father continued: "Come here, show me your palm”

"Ah. Your life line and heart line don’t meet. There's a gap. That’s rare!
 This means that you are destined for greatness.”

The next time I had to go on stage, I looked at my palm and said:  “ It’s going to be fine …for I am destined for greatness.”
I went up on stage and ......smiled at my audience.
And they smiled back!
That fuelled my recently discovered fire.

From that day onwards, I took challenges after challenges. The results were not always favorable but I gave my best.
There were times when well-meaning people asked me to take it easy.Sit back and relax.
But…there was always this…fire,….this hunger instead me, asking to do more. Pushing me to ask for more.
It because of this fire that I was able to make into my dream college : The IIT.

It was sometime during college that I discovered a book on palmistry.
And Guess what I found ?
I found that the lines, the gap meant ….NOTHING.

Do you remember the time when the truth about tooth fairy , or Santa was first made known to you ?
I remember the time when my I came to know about my father's ruse.
For I was 19 and studying at an IIT.
Was it a lie that fuelled my fire.
No.
It was belief.
My father’s belief in me.
It is belief that fuels the fire within.


Only recently I met a very talented friend of mine who was dejected after a professional setback.
I tried to rekindle her fire but she said: “Don’t you mention fire. I got fired. How much more fire do you think I need !
Charu, You wouldn't understand, You have a great career, You have a supportive family, You win international blogging prizes. You don’t know !”

I said “I know, for I have lived your journey!  But you don’t know, ....You see a great career but do you know, that it had been stagnant until that one opportunity came by.
You see a supportive family but do you know how we struggled to understand each other.
You see a blogging prize but do you know about the 14 rejections the same article received.
I just have not given up my ...FIRE.
And have you forgotten what you were ?
You were the only one from our batch who had the guts to write to the board of education that we were bored of their education !"

I made my friend recall all of her achievements, including the non-academic ones and told her that she was “Destined for greatness.”

Appreciate generously, for it is your belief in others goodness that lights up their fire.
Be generous but genuine. If I appreciate my shabbily dressed friend for being a fashionista would that work ?
No.
Fore Fire needs fuel …not sand.

It takes a lighted candle to light another candle.

But what if our own candle is getting extinguished. What do we do then ? Wait for another candle to light us ? What if it never comes by ?
We can ignite our fire ourselves. By self-belief.
If I am comfortable with myself and acknowledge my strengths and accept my weaknesses, others opinion of me would not be a blow.
Say I know myself. I know that I am forgetful, I know that I am conservative while taking risks but I am hardworking and sincere.
If someone tells me “You are so forgetful. You made a mess.”
I would say pleasantly. “That I am. Sorry for inconvenience.”
If someone tells me “You are a lazy bum. You dodge your work.”
I would simply say calmly : “That I am not. You simply do not know me enough.”

But what if its not a blow of words but a wind of problems ?
Then, lets develop a passion so big , so grand, that all your problems would seem smaller.
Haven’t discovered your passion yet, then develop a purpose. Your purpose may be to rear your children, to give something back to the society or simply to be a better person.
It was the fire within, which help Helen Keler, a deaf, mute and blind girl to achieve what many of us can only strive to achieve.

Today, you may cherish your family, your well-paying job, your assets. But they may not remain with you forever. At some point, Your children or spouse may move on, you may lose your job, you assets. But one thing that is going to be with you until you give it up yourself, is this fire within you. No matter how old you grow , no matter what troubles you have, it will still help you grow.

Lets Cherish this fire.
Lets burn the candle of laziness, negativity and self-doubt with fire of passion and purpose
Just look around, you would find many lighted candles.

Toastmasters,
Tell me why you are here today ?
You have long passed school. Why do you still come here and deliver assignments?...Carrying CL, CL manuals in your arms...

Are you here for some monetary benefit ?

No.
You are here to  experience butterflies in your stomach when your name is called out here.
You are here to fail. To try
To feel alive.
To inspire and get inspired.

I salute your fire.
And Although, I cannot see it on your palm or your forehead,.... I can see it in your eyes and your smile, that you are:   “Destined for greatness.”

Acknowledge. Protect. Cherish. The fire within !

Why Couples Fight ?

Excerpts from recent speech for Toastmasters Advance Communication Speaking Humorously track:

--------


There’s a topic which has been on my mind a lot lately. You see, I am such a peace loving creature.
And I always avoid confrontations. Any kind of.
I am loving mom to my daughter. An amicable colleague and dutiful daughter in law….. and a forever bitter wife. 
Yes !
When I am with my husband. Alone…..
I get transformed, I into a loathsome monster and start pounding on him for most of my woes at office and at home.
Why do I do that? Why do I pick up fight with him?
Why do I hold him singlehandedly responsible for all my woes?
Does that happen with you too?
Is there a couple who doesn’t fight? No.

Why do couples fight?
Expectations!! We expect them to get us moon and want us to…dance to their tune !
Couples fight. That’s a fact. While some arguments are important and even necessary, most of them are about inane things.
So what do you think couples fight most about?
Money?
Kids?
Housework?

Not according to a new survey from Vanity Fair which says 36 percent of couples fight over …….
The TV remote control !
The most likely bone of contention?
Sports or no sports.
For many couples, the only time they get together is in the evening, when they plop down in front of the TV. And argue. Over control of the remote, over what to watch, over the volume, for crying out loud.

Accordingly, the height of romance is giving their partner control of the TV remote.
I once asked my loving aunt who has been happily married for over 25 year if she ever fought with her dear husband.

“Oh. We fight daily. At least, two times a day. Once after we wake up and once before we sleep.”
I looked at her in astonishment.
Is this the same sweet ever smiling aunt of mine. ?
She explained “Married for over 25 years we still fight over who gets to pee first when we wake up. going together would be too messy."
“And…we argue about whose going to get back out of bed to turn the light off. We are both stubborn so many times we sleep all night with the lights on."
Now, I am no less than my aunt and I fight with my husband about sillier things.
Like….
Hangers!!
He insists I'm stealing hangers from his side of the closet, while I KNOW that he's stealing hangers from my side. I even caught him red-handed one day!
The last time we fought we almost spent a whole day arguing how to spend hypothetical lottery winnings.
Hypothetical !
Once we argued about something that we both agreed on because we both couldn't understand each other's sentences.

Over the time I have jotted a pattern in our fights:

There are the “I gave it to you to borrow, not to keep” fights
We’re so sweet on each other that we are all up in each other’s clothes and personal space, breathing in one another’s musk, flannels/tees. Until one day when he asks for his muffler…
“um, that is a staple in my wardrobe now? You gave it to me!” I say.
“I gave it to you to borrow, not to keep”  He says.

The “but I’m so comfortable!” fights
We are so cozy in our blankets while our significant other gets up to use the bathroom. Upon seeing them amble over on their return trip, we demand that they get us the remote, or the bag of chips, or something that is so necessary for our survival but we cannot get up for it because:
“Ah I am so COMFORTABLE.”

The AC wars
I get cold in the middle of the night and turn the AC off. He wakes up sweating and blasts it. I wait for him to get back to sleep and turn it off. He waits for me to get back to sleep….The cycle continues. 

The Netflix Wars

“Do you want to watch Game of Thrones?” He says
“No, I want to watch How I met your Mother-“ I say
“Okay, what about House of Cards?” : HE
“I kind of wanted to watch How I met..-“ : I
“We could always do Mad Men.”
“I WANT TO WATCH HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.”

The “you always…” fight
When trying to make a point, we often turn to generalizations when we lack the foundation our argument needs in order to hold up in relationship court. “You always do ______” is the hilariously desperate last-ditch effort to make our point !
My Aunt always said that she didn’t really love her husband until they argued for the first time.
True love is being able to look at someone and say, “you are so, so painfully wrong and stupid. So human. I love you.”

So, my dear folks, continue to fighting , continue falling in love…BUT with each other.

Living Together !!

Excerpts from my Humorous speech which fetched me first place at Club and Area level Toastmasters Humorous speech contest, a second prize at Divison level and a chance to represent my division at District contest which had contestants from all over North India, Nepal, Bangladesh, Bhutan.

***********

Year 2009:
There was a girl who was focused and ambitious.
An IITIAN and an Introvert.
Her motto: The less people you deal with, the lesser your problems.
She had a hard time talking to people, for she would always say something awkward and then spend rest of the day feeling sorry about it.
When my mother,..I mean her mother told her "Get out of books or you will never make any friends !".
She was like "WOW ! I wish"
She went about wearing Tee shirts which said : I am a social vegan , I avoid MEET.
M E E T !
She had plans to give her all to her career and join Brahmkumari for spiritual growth.
That was the pic of her dream home. (A picture of an isolated home on an island)

However when she was making these plans, someone up there was laughing.
Who was laughing ? God.
God has a good weird sense of humor.

Year 2017:
The girl is living with Grandma in law, mother in law, father in law, sister in law, brother in law, niece, nephew, daughter and husband AND she is a  toastmaster. Unbelievable.
Contest Chair, Fellow Toastmasters:
Whose that girl ? Its me!!!
Tough guess, I know.

Now let me tell you how a typical day in a joint family looked like.
Say an object, a flower pot which is at Position 1.
Person A comes says "Why is the flower pot here? No sunlight and fresh air here." And keeps it at Position 2.
Person B comes and says: "Why put the vase here ? It does not blend with the surroundings" and puts it at Position 3.
Person C comes and says : "According to Vastu, the vase should in the north east of the house." and puts it at position 4.
Person D comes and says : "Wheres the vase ? I put it here a few minutes back."
When I tell her about Person C and position 4.
The reaction I receive is:  What? What? What ?

Trust me it hurts here (pointing at heart) and here (pointing at neck),  when your decisions are challenged. Receiving and giving, such jerky reactions is also one of the causes of my cervical.
Perspective,...some see the glass half full, some half empty, ...my father in law sees the glass on the table, and say "Who put it here ???".
Mine, may be a  Melodramatic but its a modern family, with benefits. And of us have access to smartphones, tablets. The quickest was to call a family meeting is to ......turn off the house wifi and wait. Everybody comes running.

While I was try to figure out my new family and they were trying to figure me out. I was also working towards building my relationship with my husband,... but in vain.
Consider this :
I was once very angry with my husband and gave him silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he said, “Hey, Honey , we’re getting along pretty great lately, Aren't we ?"

That day I realized that I was not only his better half but his bitter half !

Different strokes for different people. Same words mean different things when spoken by different people. As if we speak different languages.

The question is how do we manage despite all the differences. The answer is : We may be different, but we are all good here (pointing at brain/loose screw) , no no I mean here (pointing at heart)

From my father in law, I have learned how be hardworking, from my mother in law, I have learned how to be a balanced person, from my husband I have learned ... :(act like thinking hard).. how to be patient listener; from my sister in law I have learned how to speak up; from my brother in law I have learned how to play it cool.

And from the kids, Ah the kids, ...I have learned honesty, calmness and lessons in science and  philosophy.
NO, its not the other way around.

My three year old Nephew Dev comes to me and says "Chahchi, Dolly hit me "
"Oh my poor darling , Why did she hit you ?"
"Because... I hit her !"
Honesty is indeed the best policy ...Simple, Cool and uncomplicated..

Another time I was chiding my then 2 year old who despite my best efforts to potty train her, had soiled diaper. I said "How may times have I told you to tell me when you feel like pooping. It must be hundred time. blah blah blah...."
My daughter observes me for sometime and when she thinks she has had enough, she looks up in my eye and simply says "Mama,... Statue!"
Shes Cool. Takes nothing to heart.

Now, Let me tell you how I figured out that its not the sun which revolves around the earth, but earth rotates.
I hear little Dev screaming "Chachi, the house is going round and round."
I rush to find a rotating Dev , ... I hold him steady and tell him "Dev, its not the house. Its you."

Its not the house its you.

When things go round , I mean wrong, perhaps its not the people in the house , Its you who has changed?

Now tell me, How many of you play with your children ?
Ahhhhaaaa....
How many of you say "Please go play with your brother or sister. That's basically the reason we had them."
Those who do not play with their children is that because you don't have children.
Perhaps you have but you don't realize that they are yours!
There's a line from the movie "Collateral Beauty." which says:  "Your children don't have to come from you, they have to go through you."
Since my niece and nephew go through me each day. They are mine.

Let me ask you a funny question. I am such a funny person.
Does buying a piano make you a pianist?
No ?
Similarly, bearing children does not make you a parent. Having a sibling does not make you a brother or sister. You have to  experience them . However irritating it may be.

They say that a family that eats together stays together. There is a very deep thought behind it.
Reminds me of my daughter asking at the dinner table "Mama, Where's Dev Bhaiya ? his pizza is getting cold....and eaten .."

I would go one step ahead and say a family that laughs together, stays together.
Laugh, fight, agree, disagree but Live Together!

From an Intellectual to a Romantic !

After having the book proposal for my supposedly "intellectual" novel rejected by a reputed traditional publishing house, I was sharing my woes and feelings of dejection with my friend.

She said: "Dont lose heart Charu, ...Continue enhancing your heavy duty novel...However , in the meantime Why dont you write something ...light ?"

I: "What do you mean something light !!"

My Friend: "Yeah something lighter, ...something more entertaining,...something more fun.. like Romance !" And her eyes lit up as she said stressed upon the last word.

I: "You want me to write something shallow?"

My friend: "Oh Romance is not shallow. It makes life beautiful. Love is a emotion so pure , so dream like that no one can help being effected." And she smiled again.

She got me thinking. Inspired by her , I decided to write Romance. It took me a few days to finish my story and when it finished was when all the trouble begun !

What I wrote was neither a short story nor a full length novel. Who would publish it ? And I didn't have the heart to drag the story further only to increase the word count.
Finally Newconceptspublishing decided to publish my work in ebook format. Thanks Madris DePasture for having faith in me and my work.

I want the book to do well so that NewConceptspublishing can continue supporting authors like me.
Though the book is about Romance, it does have a soul. It is based on the basic premise that no matter where we come from it is not alright to be judgemental. We can love if we judge. We cannot be truly happy and accept people in our lives if we judge. The book helped me discover a romantic in me and hope the readers enjoy the book as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The book is dedicated to the those impractical guys who believe in love at first sight, to the girls who think with heart.
To the girls who love reading mills and boon, and to the boys who love those girls.
The below is the link to the ebook. Its only a click away :)

https://www.newconceptspublishing.com/product-page/tell-me-you-are-mine

Hats off to you MIL !

I sit comfortably on the wide wooden swing in the Living Room, sipping my cup of ginger team as I muse about the woman standing before me, just besides the dining table 3 meters away.

She is holding a 3 year old in her arms, another four year old is tugging the hem of her Kurti and all the while she is busy negotiating something with a 7 year old girl who is jumping up and down to stress her point. There is a lot of commotion around. The three kids are wailing and howling. She widens her eyes gives all three of them a tough look.
I can't blame her; anyone would go nuts around these kids when they are cranky.

However, the tough look she gives them is fake. The next moment she breaks into a smile. The most beautiful smile ever. The kids, who were taken aback for a moment by her tough look, now start laughing. She puts the down the child she had been holding and starts playing with the three kids who want her to chase them as they run around the entire house.

The lady before me is my Mother in Law and one of the finest persons I have had the opportunity to get to know closely.
She is the centre point of our family, the soul of the house.
Not only, the way she handles her grandchildren par excellence but she also knows how to deal with the "grown-ups".
If you have trouble living with you mother-in-law or your daughter in law. Imagine living with your mother-in-law as well as two daughters-in-law !
Trust me, it is not simple but my Mother in law does that with sheer grace and dignity.
People are different, so are there sensibilities and expectations. My Mother in law understands that and treats each of us as per our nature and how we wish to be treated. If I want a quite moment alone, she respects that. Never has she tried to pull me into a conversation I am not comfortable with. For the other family members who like being engaged in discussions, she provides ample opportunity for them and ensures that their opinions are counted. The way she "balances" tasks, people and priorities is impressive.

She is the single person who has taken up the responsibility of well being of rest of family members. Whether they have taken their meals and medicines on time or whether there is some ailment (physical or mental) bothering them. She is on top of it.
She pays utmost attention to little details. Many a times I have seen her get our household items, garments and footwear mended without anyone pointing out to her !
She does not take this responsibility as a burden but as if it’s the most natural thing to do.
She gets up at dawn and works throughout the day to ensure that home runs smoothly. She does all of this with cheerful happiness. Happiness which shows in her eyes as she smiles at the kids, her sons and daughters in law.
Never have I heard her complain about the work load , about being taken for granted or about making sacrifices for the family.
When I look at her, I find a mature person who is content because she has found a meaning in everything she does. All the while, I am still struggling to find a meaning in my life.


I have seen her do the correct things, take correct decisions in tough times. Unlike the other ladies, I have never seen her drawing comparisons or speak ill about her sisters or sisters in law or the other relatives. In fact, she in happy in their happy news and genuinely feels for them and reaches out to them if they are in trouble.
This is because is a good person at heart. Goodness which reflects in her actions and her personality.
Her conduct towards her own mother in law, my husband's granny, makes me respect her even more. With her, she is cordial, understanding and compassionate.


She is very learned but never stresses the fact. She has a college degree in science, and takes active interest in pharmacy, a feat not many women her age can boost. She is great cook and an efficient householder.
We all have a tendency to judge others by what we are good at. Say If I have a knack for dressing well, my mind would have a tendency to put down people who dress very casually. Say, If I am a good programmer I would tend to judge other colleagues consciously or subconsciously by their programming skills. No matter if a person is a good harmonium player or an exceptional painter or an orator, I would still judge him or her by the criteria I judge myself.
But my Mother in Law acknowledges the other person's strength and accepts their weaknesses.
I am clumsy and not a great cook but she constantly encourages me to do well by stating that we all learn lifelong. Many a times, I have heard her state that no one is perfect and that we should never lose heart if we have some shortcomings. We should simply work towards overcoming them by putting consistent efforts.

Over the years we have come to understand each other in a subtle way. Without being over-assertive she has made be realize the importance of family values and I know that she has come to respect my work and my inclination to write.
How can I say that?
On those weekends when I am up until late in the night to finish off a Production release (I am a Software Support Professional), the next morning, I find that my mother in law who does groceries on weekends has already made preparations for breakfast and lunch before she left. She does not show off but I know that she supports me.
Only recently, I was going a rough patch in my professional life. I had to make some tough decisions and discussed my dilemma with my Mother in law.
She listened to me and replied "Don't Worry, God is with us."
These few words she spoke instilled confidence in me and I knew that not only God but certain of God's best folks are with me :)


As I type this, I muse about the woman to woman relationship. Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge but once forged it is very very special. A woman can understand a woman like no man can. Unlike man, we live and thrive on emotions. We think alike and have similar struggles one way or the other. We go through similar mental and physical changes and challenges. If a woman supports another woman their combined power and potential grows many fold. They say, that there is a woman behind every successful man. I would say, there is a woman behind every successful woman as well.
I am not kidding. Even a study at Stanford had concluded that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to get married to a woman whereas, for a woman , one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationship with her girlfriends. Being with a woman is good for your emotional well being. Women share feelings whereas man form relationships around activities.

But like said earlier, Woman to woman bonding is difficult to forge despite its benefits. Why so?
Because women are very emotional beings. They work on instincts, get attached easily and are fiercely possessive. From their intense nature often emerge feelings of insecurity and irrational jealously. That is why women often opt for nuclear family. To share their home and family, with other women is not that easy.
That said, if women could rise above their inherit insecurities and little ego bruises (like my Mother in Law does), women at home can make a great team. It’s good to be independent but it’s simply superb to be interdependent. That way they could make a team and run home effectively. Being interdependent means you maximize all your strengths and minimize any shortcomings. It’s all about synergism. Combining energies.
Say one of your sister in laws is a good cook, another gets good bargain at groceries, your MIL is good at managing house and you have a knack for guiding kids. How about you combine these skills to run your house perfectly? There would be a distribution of work as per each individual’s best skills. Each individual would be doing what they love with respect and dignity. They should be given independence to carry out the tasks and make decisions but should be open to receive and give suggestions for the extended household. You would be one happy and content team.

I guess I have shared enough gyan for a single blog post.
But when I come to think of it, 5 fives year back I would have never thought I would be singing laurels about my mother in law or would be writing a dissertation on woman relationships.
I am being realistic here, I am not saying I love my mother in law more than my mother for the latter is part of my identity and my soul.
But with the same truthfulness, I state that I respect my Mother in law more.
She inspires me to be a balanced person and instils faith in me to get going in tough times.

Hats off to you Mummyji !
Hope every girl gets a mother in law like you.

Why Housework is good for working Moms !

Working Moms usually take up or are assigned the desk jobs .These jobs are mentally grueling and leave us exhausted by the end of the day. Back at home we get a feeling of lying on the couch or sleeping in order to relieve the mental tension. 

But that does us no good. Agreed, that you had worked hard at office but you did not do any physical work. While your mind needs a break your body does not. By sleeping or lying on the couch and watching TV you are only accumulating more fat and are killing your precious time. There are other productive ways of relaxing your mind and diverting it from office woes. Housework is one of them. Since housework does not actually involve resolving complex riddles and is mostly mechanical, it gives your mind rest and keeps your body in action. 

Washing utensils, dusting, cleaning, stacking clothes and similar activities would keep your mind off office politics for a while, keep you busy, make your home tidy and also help burn a few calories. Cooking is another great activity which can relax you because it is actually a very creative activity. You are actually creating a dish and it would give you a great sense of fulfillment. 

If you are not into housework (it does not relax you) and you can afford to keep staff to do it for you, then don't be hard on yourself. Take it it easy. There is no compulsion. In that case you may pick up another engaging hobby (preferably involving some physical activity) like gardening, dancing, adopting and taking care of your pet, going on walks etc. 

However, I believe that housework is still a good way out since it make you own the proceedings at home, saves some amount you would have kept aside for a maid, and gratifies your family. This is my personal opinion and is based on personal experience.

However, your situation may be different. You may be an architect or construction engineer doing strenuous site visits and inspections, or if you are a sculptor, curator, dancer or an event manager . In short, if in your are in a job which involves physical activity, it makes more sense to get back home, take a nap, read, write or paint so that your body and mind get the much deserved rest. 

But, if you have a desk job, you have no excuse for going back home and lying on the couch. Instead, activate yourself with some meaningful physical work. Physical activities and exercises release oxytocin, the feel-good hormone and would help you feel better. Whereas sitting idle would only clog your mind with unnecessary worries. 

And I am not talking about the working moms, even the fathers should do their bit of housework and ease their mind. Whether your wife is a homemaker or professional, the love, respect and appreciation you would receive for helping out in housework would make your day. You would set a good example for your son, be your daughter's hero and your wife's darling :) 

So my dear ladies and gentlemen buckle your seat-belt and indulge in housework post office and reap the benefits.

PS: Stay at home moms, don't limit yourself to housework. Develop a hobby and gives wings to your passion. Perhaps we will cover that in the next article.